Mary Me

The Single Girl's Guide to Surviving the Holidays


I'm not a big fan of the holidays for a lot of reasons. Many of those reasons are due to ongoing drama in my family, but for many years I felt the holidays were for couples and families with children, and that singles like me were sort of like the Misfit Toys. If you have ever felt alone, lonely, let down, forgotten, or disappointed in your singleness during the holidays, this is for you.

Emotions run high during the holidays regardless of marital status. We're all exhausted, packing on extra pounds, and sometimes a few days off from work gives you extra time to obsess over your problems - no wonder we drown ourselves in nog and Santa cookies.

So, here are some helpful hints to help you make it through the holidays, whether or not you meet someone special:

. Stop watching Christmas love stories on Lifetime or Hallmark channels. They are not real. They are fiction. They were created to sell you products during the commercials.

. Remember that 100% of the images we see during the holidays are designed to sell us products and separate us from our money. Advertisers tell us we should buy lots of stuff and we should have a warm, happy feelings inside. The truth is, most people don't have that experience during the holidays. Most of my friends who are married with children even dislike the holidays because of the extra stress, activities, and expenses. And their husbands don't even think to buy them something romantic or even to thank them for slaving away all day on those homemade cookies and ornaments.

. Your family is going to ask about your love life. They may even make hurtful comments. I suggest a little strategic disinformation here. two responses I have used successfully are: "I'm dating around right now - just having fun," and "I've been so busy with (career, work, home renovations, etc.), I haven't had time to even think about it." If they persist, I like to go on the offense - ask them about their marriage and quote the high divorce rate (here's an interesting fact to have at your fingertips: a new study indicates that 80% of men cheat on their partners) - maybe it's mean and un-spiritual, but when someone won't take a hint and is trying to make me feel inferior because I'm single, I like to stand up for myself.

. Buy yourself a really great Christmas present. Not a new Swiffer or a cordless drill; get yourself a nice gift you would want from a special gentleman friend: jewelry, massage, facial, whatever. If you were dating someone, you would buy him a gift, so take that money and buy yourself something.

. Show up fully in your life now. Enjoy where you are now. "I can't be happy if I'm alone," you say. Well, you better decide to GET HAPPY while you're single, because life isn't going to reward your temper tantrum by sending you someone. Besides, if you're so unhappy, who'd want to hang out with you anyway?

. I can promise you there is SOMEONE who has it worse than you do. Watching your marriage fall apart or coping with a scary health issue does not make the holidays more fun.

Here are some benefits to being single during the holidays:

. No one will witness you or judge you harshly when you eat the entire canister of Christmas cookies or holiday fudge you brought home from the office.
. You can decorate your home (or not) anyway you like. 
. You don't have to buy gifts for a guy and his family (again, more money to spend on yourself). 
. You don't have to worry that he'll embarrass you at the office party. 
. You're free to flirt with every guy you cross paths with (do the ring check, girls, so you don't flirt with someone's husband - getting your car keyed is no fun during the holidays). 
. You can shop, eat, travel, or rest anytime you want.

Most importantly, don't buy into the commercial message that the holidays are about romance. Remember: the business world's message is to buy lots of stuff.

Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A. is an Instructor of Marketing and Director of the Internship Program in the School of Business at Francis Marion University.  She consults for a variety of local and regional companies, and is actively involved in the Florence community.

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