Bullying Stops this Year
A ritual of the modern world begins again in a few weeks. Our children go back to school. As parents, we hope that this school year will be an amazing passage for our children. They will be challenged to think critically, solve problems, and ask questions. Winter approaches and our kids will come home tired every day. Stress, worry, and boredom won’t be the reason. It will be because nurturing, focused teachers set expectations that exhausted our kid’s brain cells. Spring’s flowers will bloom celebrating our children’s maturity as communicators. Their verbal expressions will brim with passion, persuasion, and clarity. They will write with creative fervor, and they will write right. On the final day of school you’ll pick up fatigued children waiting with a sparkle in their eye. They will burst into a smile and bolt into the car. They will look at you saying, “Mom, I’m beat but I’ve got so many ideas and plans that I want to share over summer break.”
Bullying could punch holes in the forecast above. It will happen. This must be the year that we neutralize the short- and long-term effects of bullying. The schools do several things to protect our children against bullies. Beaufort County School District and county private schools have mandatory training for all employees looking to recognize, respond to, and report bullying. Schools provide education to students through assemblies and poster programs. The district installed cameras on the buses to deter acts of bullying.
These efforts are truly appreciated. However, the key to keeping bullies out of our kids’ lives is us—parents! We are the ones who make the greatest difference. We have to do it and do it now. It won’t be easy. We work hard to support our families and we are tired. However, think about this. That computer and cell phone, which you worked so hard to get for your son, are the most devious tools used to bully him. Therefore, we have to guide them and set parameters that will draw the benefits from technology.
Research shows that bullied children are more likely to deal with long-term anxiety, depression and panic attacks. They are more likely to fixate on suicidal thoughts. Take this information from someone who has been there. I was bullied daily on the bus during my freshman year in high school. My afternoon bus rides included beatings, name calling, taunting, books lit on fire, and being spit on. I never told my parents and spent 17 years fighting those demons listed above.
So let’s get to work. This will be hard on two fronts. Some parents will have to face the fact that their child is the bully. Whether a kid is the victim of a bully or the bully, strong parents want to face the truth, deal with it, and redirect their children down paths of integrity, personal growth, and passionate accomplishment.
Become active in your child’s school.
I know how difficult this is, especially when kids get older. Involved parents have a pulse on the tone of the school. I guarantee that despite your child’s complaints, they really want you there.
Ask questions and be a pain.
Do not settle for a one-word response when your heart and gut tells you something is not right. This may lead to short-term battles but will far outweigh potential life-long pain experienced by survivors.
Keep tabs on communication tools and require access to accounts.
Wow. I know this is another tough one. While conducting regular checks be prepared that your child may not be an angel. It is easy for good kids to be drawn into bullying through texting and Facebook messages. Even though it hurts, bullied children struggle to stay offline. They tend to escape to dangerous web sites that suggest ways to hurt themselves or act out violently.
Watch for the signs:
Your child will start to withdraw. They may head to their room more. Sleep patterns change; either they have trouble sleeping or they sleep longer or at unusual times. Look for signs of increased anxiety, depression, and panic. Listen for dark expressions. Be skeptical when your child requests to stay home more often because of sickness. Observe your child’s beautiful face looking for frowns outnumbering smiles, or if the sparkle in his or her eye is not as bright.
Report it:
Once you have a clear picture of the situation, report it to someone who can make a difference. If bullying occurs at school go right to the principal. Be strong and proactive. Politely demand that the issue is addressed quickly and thoroughly. Remember the health and safety of your child depends upon your persistent action.
Our children look to us with intensity. They thrive for our support and recognition. As loving parents let’s give them what they deeply desire. We are going to face bullying head on, understand it and dismantle it. Just think of that final day of school, when our child approaches us with an authentic smile, a stimulated mind, and no blemishes from the burdens of bullying.
Michael Sanz recently retired from education with 25 years as an administrator and a teacher. He has written several articles on bullying and made presentations to student, parent and teacher groups throughout South Carolina. Mike speaks from the heart, as he survived severe bullying through his middle and high school years.