From Russia With Love
This is a story with a cast of 44 people. They are not all blood relatives, but each one is part of a tightly knit, mega-family that supersedes geography and genetics. It is the story of eight Hilton Head families: 15 adults and 29 children-14 of whom were adopted and brought to live here.from Russia with love.
The matriarch who binds this extended family is Alexandra Goode. (Pink, November 2012) She is the force that made these adoptions possible. The families consider her "the grandmother"; they call her Babushka. Through her I learned about the Burkes, Campbells, Cummings, Carrs, Ducharmes, Gonzalezes, McMaths & Patricks-and the adoptions of their Russian children over the last three years from a state-run orphanage.
It is the Monday night before Thanksgiving. Through a logistical miracle (and Amee Patrick- indefatigable organizer and mother of five) all eight families are present at Jim & Michele McMath's home for the "photo shoot" and dinner. I am greeted exuberantly by the McMath daughters, Alina, 13, and Anastasia, 11, who I wrote about last Spring. (Pink, May 2012). I stand at the front door, trying to put faces to my typed list of children (by family and age) and connect grown-ups with quotes I received earlier.
As the families-and children ranging from 2 to 17-arrive and wine is served, the soaring spaces reverberate with kid energy and parental directives; the decibel level escalates with enthusiastic greetings. Frankly, it's bedlam. Taking the group's cue, I put down my list and go with the flow. I let Amy Marcy (Pink's photographer) and Andy Patrick (Amee's husband appreciatively dubbed the "voice" for his commanding tone) corral this juggernaut of 40+ moving pieces onto the stairs. I stand at the sidelines with two grandmothers watching. I am overwhelmed by their quiet emotions. They know the magnitude of love and faith inside each of these families; and they know the exhausting, heart-wrenching, courageous journey an international adoption process demands.
It is almost 50 years since the James Bond movie From Russia With Love was released in 1963. It was filmed at the height of the Cold War. It was impossible then for an American family to adopt a Russian child. Things have changed, but the arduous efforts it required for these eight families to bring their children home to the U.S. could be the plot of a new thriller. Amee Patrick says, "I know full well the adoption process could be an IMAX movie, with a really brutal climb to the summit. If there's anything I've figured out, it's that supplemental oxygen comes in many different forms-like the people around me tonight. I love the idea of a family, and I love that all these people are part of ours."
The adults are in unanimous agreement it is because of the encouragement of their faith-filled extended family that they survived the adoption process and are successfully raising children with unique gifts, histories and challenges. The message in this whole story is how critical a supportive community is when you are called-as so many of the parents expressed they were-to adopt a child, in some cases multiple children. Everyone extolls the joys of adopting these kids; no one minimizes how scary and frustrating it can be. Victoria Ducharme wrote, "There are joys as well as trials in adoption. To have these feelings truly understood and affirmed is a priceless gift. And this can only come from those who have walked the same path." Wendy Cummings agrees, "It is difficult to describe the bond that comes from sharing such a personal and emotional roller coaster of adopting; however one word sums it up-FAMILY."
What I find admirable is how genuine everyone is. They're honest about the difficulties. One mother laughed, "You mean the craziness?" They're fun. They joke. Two husbands told me when their wives initially brought up the idea of adoption, they pleaded, "Wouldn't new shoes, maybe a new car be easier?" They laugh, but every parent is fully on board and committed. Michael Gonzalez says, "Adoption is such a tough road to go down. It is an incredible feeling to know that we have 'family' right here at home to support each other. It's so nice to hear, 'No, you aren't doing it wrong!' That's how it's supposed to be."
Besides the overriding sense of gratitude for each other and their children, the parents share a belief that God-against humanly insuperable odds-guided the children to their families. "God handpicked each and every child and placed them in exactly the right family. All of us have been chosen for this great gift and understand just what a gift it is, " wrote Darla Campbell. Karen Burke wrote, "In God's great plan He brought these beautiful children to us.once you bring these children home, you no longer think of these children as being adopted; they are simply family."
Michele McMath wrote, "What started out as table conversation at a wine dinner with Karen Miller more than two years ago, has ended up being the greatest thing we have done and will never regret." It's amazing that a short time ago not one of these 44 people-not the parents, or their children who lived here, or their children who came from Russia-knew where life was heading. I see many things in these adults and children-devotion, warmth, closeness, connection. There's no regret.
Christine Carr sums it up, "We as families will be forever linked by our common bond. We watch every day as frightened, malnourished, sad, hopeless children bloom into funny, smart, football-loving, hugging, warm, silly, home-work juggling, dancing, baseball-playing American kids. Everyone knows these children needed us. In reality, God knew that we all needed these children." Starting with Alexandra Goode and extending through 44 adults and children, this is a story of the deepened commitment to family, faith and community that came from Russia with love.
MEET THE FAMILIES:
David & Karen Burke
Kathleen (19), Mary Meghan (17), John (13), Anna (11), Andrew (10) Darla Campbell Olga (13)
Gregg & Christine Carr
Faith (12), Grace (9), Hope (8)
Scott & Wendy Cummings
Rebeka (20), Alvaro (16), Tristan (14), Bryson (13), Grey Anne (11), Annika (9)
David & Victoria Ducharme
Spencer 12 ; Ethan 9; Alena (6)
Michael & Kristy Gonzalez
Braedon (3), Sergey (2)
Jim & Michele McMath
Justin (24), Logan (21), Alina (13), Anastasia (11)
Andy & Amee Patrick
Joel (18), Hannah (13), Emma (11) Sasha (7), Vlademir (6)