Suddenly Single

I started writing this article four different times. Each time I got half way through then deleted it in disgust. It wasn't good enough. It got so bad I thought I would have to phone in and say there would be no Suddenly Single this month.

I love writing Suddenly Single. I have told you how I feel and promised myself I would always write honestly, and write about what's going on, or about important things that happened during my Suddenly Single years, hoping that something I wrote would help or at least make others smile.
This month I started out not being honest. I started writing an article about Valentines Day and what it doesn't mean to me, preferring Groundhhog Day instead. It was funny enough, but not honest.

So now I find myself in a situation that I created but had no idea of the impact it would have on my life, my family and me. I mentioned last month things were getting interesting, that was an understatement on my part. 
It all started a day before Thanksgiving when my family arrived from New York. That's right. My mother, brother and grandmother.  My brother has since left, back to work and all, but my mom and grandmother (Luke and Soph's GREAT grandmother) are here and here to stay. This has always been the plan, but it took a little longer than I thought for the imminent arrival. You may say, well that's not a big deal. For many people, this is a normal course of events. Many children move their parents down here. I agree and that was/is my aim. I want my mother to live closer to her grandchildren and have an easier life here in the south rather than dealing with the elements up north. The same for my grandmother, the only problem being, Nana has dementia.

My Mom and I talked a lot about the logistics of moving here, but no amount of explaining prepared me for the effect it is having on every facet of our lives. What makes me even sadder is that my mother has been dealing with this pretty much on her own for the past five years. 
Here I was, laying out my life. I had started thinking, great. I got the kids this far - yes (slight fist pump) we are enjoying our life here in Hilton Head - yes (there's the fist pump again) Soon, I will be able to pick up and go off and do what I want to do - YAHOO! (Fist pump and silly dance around the kitchen).  I was looking forward to the day when Luke or Soph called from college to tell me they were coming home. And I would say "great, the key is under the mat, I am in London - oh, and don't forget to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher."  I started looking at plans for turning their upstairs den in to my media room.

I have raised Luke and Soph, on my own since they were 2  and 5. Never really having any freedom to go and do what I wanted or even have anyone to go and do it with. That's just how things worked out. So, I was planning my escape in glorious detail. First Napa Valley for the chardonnay and the French Laundry. Then back to Hawaii, Bali, Australia, Japan, and a few months in London. That was just for starters. Good things come to those who wait? Right?

Well, I am sure my Nana doesn't think so. I look at her and worry. I look at my Mom and worry. Sure there are glimpses, quite a few actually, of the feisty women I grew up with. She still has some fight in her, that is for sure. The disease has not taken a strangle hold on her just yet. Not sure if I can say the same for myself though.

Part of me feels like a great big wimp and the other part of me is stronger then ever, knowing that this is the only and right thing to do. After all, this is what family is for. And Nana is loved, cared for, warm and happy to see her great grandchildren. I never thought we would get a picture of four generations, but we have a bunch now.

I have had the luxury of not dealing with family issues for years. No in-laws, no out-laws, just me, Luke and Soph. The up side of single-dom. I have had it easy on that front!

The aim of this move was to give my Mom some support and help dealing with the inevitable. But as I said, I underestimated the magnitude of it all. The constant care and watching, it is like having a baby all over again. The same questions and conversations over and over, a real life ground hog day - hmm, how apropos, it being my favorite holiday in February and all.

As with anything, there are upsides. When I stop and think about it, when I look for the positives. I see that Luke and Sophie have been amazing, so loving, caring and gentle.  They have been more accepting of the situation then I could have imagined. 

My mother and I have been talking and talking.  We have grown closer and are working as a team. We are lucky to have a relationship as we do. I love her so much; I love the good in her, her compassion and her strength.
As with anything, we will get through this. I said we, not I, not me. It's nice to be around family again.

You can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I would love to hear from you.

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