Hissy Fit - August 2015

by Elizabeth Skenes Millen

SMH is an acronym that stands for “shaking my head” and is usually used in texting or on social media. According to Urban Dictionary, SMH is used when someone finds something so stupid, no words can do it justice. Lately, I have encountered a few SMH moments, which I would like to get off my chest because, quite frankly, shaking my head is not working and I’m hoping words can clear the air once and for all.

I have seen it for years and I recently encountered it again—women who get in a public pool and don’t want to get their hair wet. What a ridiculous concept. What a way to set yourself up for failure. What a selfish act of defiance. How stupid. I am shaking my head so hard my hair is whipping back and forth and it’s really short hair. Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t you stay away from water if you don’t want to get your hair wet? I mean that’s like hanging out at Five Guys when you’re on a diet and
have sworn off burgers and fries. Am I right?

Here’s how I envision it: 

Woman (who does not want to get her hair wet): “I do not want to get my hair wet today. Oh, I know, I think I’ll go to the pool, where there are lots of children splashing around. I will dare anyone to splash me. And, if I get splashed, I will give the child and her parent (who obviously isn’t a good parent since her kid is splashing in the pool) a wicked glance and then complain to the life guard.” 

Me: SMH

I bet these are the very women who came up with “adult swim.” Let me explain, in case you aren’t familiar with the “adult swim” concept. Adult swim is when all the children have to get out of the pool and watch the women, who don’t want to get their hair wet, get in the pool and slowly stroll around for 10 minutes. Do you have any clue how long 10 minutes is to a child who is sitting on the side of the pool, chomping at the bit to get back in the water, on a 100 degree humid, southern day? Eternity. That’s how long 10 minutes is. Which leads me to think women who don’t want to get their hair wet and insist on coming to the pool must have a mean streak that is obviously not provided by their hairdresser.

Another SMH moment that I had to endure recently happened at a gas station. I was not getting gas; I had only stopped for a bottle of water. My daughter was with me and we got out of the car to go inside. As I turned to lock the car, I saw an idiot out at one of the gas pumps. How do I know he was an idiot? He was pumping gas and smoking a cigarette at the same time. Yes, the cigarette was lit! 

Smokers do many things that irk me, such as throwing cigarette butts out of their car windows, but no dirty smoking habit burns me up like someone having a lit cigarette hanging from their mouth while pumping gas. I had a gas station attendant once tell me not to use my cell phone while pumping gas. She explained that it could spark, start a fire and possibly lead to a deadly explosion. I have to tell you I have never seen a cell phone spark, but I heeded her advice and make it a point not to talk on the phone while pumping gas. Better safe than sorry, right? 

My guess is if a device that never sparks can blow the place up, a lit cigarette is a sure thing. You can only imagine how my "fight or flight" system engaged when I spotted the idiot. My daughter and I never made it inside for our water. I yelled, “Get in the car. This place is going to blow!” I didn’t even have time to shake my head in spite of this being a major SMH moment. I was too busy peeling out of the parking lot to avoid becoming an action scene in a Die Hard movie. I was more in James Bond mode…Die Another Day.

Imagine this: What if a woman who doesn’t want to get her hair wet was there at the gas station at the same time the smoking-while-gassing dude was there? I’m thinking she’d be ticked if her hair caught on fire. However, if it did, she would more than likely delight in getting her hair wet. Wow! It’s amazing how priorities can change so quickly. Hopefully, the young fireman on the scene of the disaster never had to sit out for “adult swim.”