Hissy Fit - July 2023 - You Can Pass the Jelly : But Don’t Make Judgement Your Jam

July 2023 Issue
by Elizabeth Skenes Millen

For the most part, I gave up judging people about the same time I gave up perfectionism. When I finally got old enough—actually wise enough—to realize I’m not perfect, nor do I need to be; I also relinquished that expectation of others. With the freedom of being released from the shackles of trying to do right, be right, look right and act right all the time, I learned judging others, just like judging yourself, is usually premature and always unloving. In addition, it is binding to persons on both sides of the bench.

If judging is your game, please keep this in mind: Judging hurts people. Naturally, the one being judged is hurt by narrow-mindedness and misunderstanding, but the one judging is also hurt. Mainly because her world remains small, tight and bitter—she lives in the mean girl syndrome. Judgers form opinions based on what they think they know, which usually is not grounded in facts, nor does it include compassion or understanding. Fact is, there’s always two sides to a story—sometimes more. In order to judge, one must have at least a small cauldron of hate, misunderstanding, fear, self-righteousness, insecurity, jealousy or criticalness brewing in their heart. Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” You have no room to love them, either.

I urge you to leave judging others in the past. Here are a few reasons why:

Fair judging requires you to walk in the other person’s shoes. She or he may not have shoes you want to walk in. Worse yet, those shoes may cause terrible blisters. Chances are, if you’re judging them, the journey in their shoes has caused some painful blisters, which you most likely don’t want to take on. Caution: Even red-bottomed shoes can be tough to walk in.

True judges wear oversized black robes. Let me tell you right now, they do nothing for your figure, but they give you plenty of room to hide your own skeletons.

Judging others is painful, and there’s already too much pain in the world. Hurting others in order to make yourself feel better is not a solution to anyone’s happiness—yours or theirs. If that’s the path you must take to get to your happy place, you need to reexamine if you are truly happy. Judging a person doesn’t define who they are; it defines who you are.

Judging others arises out of anger, fear, and insecurity, none of which are positive. Ghandi said we are a product of our thoughts. What we think, we become. Do you really want that? The Golden Rule is my mother’s number one rule of thumb: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. I can’t tell you how many times I heard this growing up. It is such a powerful, yet simple concept. Simply treat others the way you want to be treated. It’s. Just. That. Easy.

Life’s too short. Live and let live. Realize everyone’s life is a journey made up of good and bad, happy and sad, successes and failures. There is no right, proper or correct path from birth to death. There is no owner’s manual. It is all just one big, messy adventure of trials and errors. Some things work, others don’t—and that’s OK. Our lives are not perfectly baked pies lined up at a state fair ready for judging, hoping to win first place. Even perfect pies get eaten and end up in the same place. Think about that for a minute. Do you remember who won best pie? Miss America? Homecoming Queen? The Super Bowl? Of course not.

It’s all short-lived—both the good and the bad. It all passes with time, whether you judge it or not. So, it’s OK to pass the jelly, to pass on dessert and to pass a slow driver who won’t get out of the fast lane. But for goodness sake, it is not OK to pass judgment on your fellow woman. Give that chick a break. She has as much dirty laundry to deal with as you. Won’t you share your Cheer with her?