Single File - August 2022

Sexual Bill of Rights

"Single File" - August 2022 Issue
by Susan Deitz

Sexual expression is part of mental and physical well-being. On that we probably agree. And being unmarried, you know how difficult it is to find a caring and committed partner. It’s well worth waiting for, because when soul mates join spirit and flesh, their union can approach spiritual communion. Once that’s experienced, anything less is out of the question. But to aspire to that height, you must first make sense of the sexual choice overload too readily offered in single life.

And so my Sexual Bill of Rights evolved, to encourage you to think through your emotions and reactions in the calm comfort of your reasoning now, well before you’re faced with a real-life emotionally charged moment. It’s my way of helping you settle what can be an enormously important decision here—now, today—and the printed page is a relatively safe place.
The Sexual Bill of Rights can help you gain insight into yourself—your personal morals and ethics—so that you gain the confidence that comes from knowing what you want and don’t want, without pained explanation and confusion.

As your eye meanders down the page, give thought to other ways you can express your loving feelings. When you put your mind to it, life has many: adopting a pet, phoning your favorite niece, devoting Saturday mornings to helping at the local soup kitchen. How about volunteering to be a love channel at your local animal shelter? How about treating your folks to Sunday brunch, a gesture that would mean so much to them? Think about the young children in hospital beds, who’d be thrilled to have a visitor (you) play checkers with them. And imagine the warm glow you’d have after a few hours of cuddling and rocking infants at the hospital nursery.

Is this any way to have a sex life? When the alternative is junk sex, you bet it is!

And now, for your eyes only:

> I will adopt a consistent “live and let live” view toward others’ sexual choices. I will be slow to judge or condemn.

> I will shape a code of conduct gleaned from my personal needs and sense of rightness. My chief concern will be to maintain mental comfort and a general sense of ease.

> I will not be coerced when making sexual decisions and will avoid those who attempt to coerce.

> I reserve the right to remain virgin or chaste, knowing that neither state is harmful and periods of celibacy can be productive and fulfilling.

> I refuse to be enslaved by stale and corrosive stereotypes that view the male as only (and always) an aggressor and the female as only (and always) a passive recipient.

> If acceptable to my personal morality, I will engage in self-pleasuring, certain that masturbation is a natural and legitimate source of satisfaction. It can help me learn my sexual tastes, prepare me for coupled sex and help me avoid junk sex.

> I pledge to myself and those who care about me to make only prudent sexual choices. As much as I respect sexuality, I am not willing to die for it.

What is important to you in developing your own Sexual Bill of Rights?


Catapulted into single life as a young widow and single parent, Susan Deitz’s unusually deep understanding of her new world was about to be born, a course in undependence (her term for the wholeness needed for a full life) unlike any she had known at Smith College. Totally unprepared for life without a mate, her nights were battles with fear and the dreaded what-ifs. But when those tigers retreated, each new dawn found a more confident woman. On her own, living out her singleness, she was using her own judgment to make decisions for her little family—minor perhaps in the wider world but crucial for her small family. And they proved to be good ones. From those years of life lessons learned the hard way came a lifework and the world of Single File. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. © 2022 CREATORS

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