Single File - August 2023

All the Single Ladies: Here’s the Answers to a Few of Your Questions

SingleFile1122"Single File" - August 2023 Issue
by Susan Deitz


Go Ahead and Flirt!

Flirting has disappeared. Fact, not fiction. Judging from my reader mail, it has dropped out of the romantic repertoire—with absolutely no words of regret or comeback. But why has it gone, this once-admired art? The message I'm getting is this: We've found our womanpower; tremble at the roar if you dare.

Well, I, too, favor female strength, so I'm all in for womanpower—but expressed differently.

Sneer if you will, but a dropped handkerchief—sparkling white and lacy—has unique power to draw attention and coerce an introduction. Not that flirtation must be of soft stuff; not at all. I know of a woman who deliberately plowed her car into an oncoming vehicle because she wanted to meet its handsome driver. That he proved to be unmarried and lovable was pure good luck, but their meeting would never have come to be if an assertive woman hadn't made her move. (Don't try anything remotely resembling this. It took place many, many years ago when the world was a totally different place. Enough said.)

Today women are showing their muscle but losing softness. As much as I advocate female potency in life, from getting the job you want to winning over the man of your heart, I am heartsick when I read another letter complaining about the lack of tenderness in women today. ("Damaged femininity" is my son's description. And his choice of Asian women proves his point. In their dealings with men, there tends to be no thought of competition; their top priority often is partnering the man they love. Do I hear a groan?)

The irony in this tussle is that it's completely unnecessary. We women can have it all, womanly ways and equality. When we reclaim the castoff femininity we mistakenly believed was the price for equality, we change the love equation—and turn it on its head! Our eyes, smiles, innocent glances—they all of a sudden take on a mystery all their own. An air of knowing takes on an innocence; our eyes hold a promise of tenderness. And this rediscovered femininity comes without fear of being misunderstood as weakness. At last, we know our worth; we've proved it to the world and to ourselves. Now we're free to ogle, flirt, sway hips and bat our eyelashes a bit. Ladies, we're home free—free to be the whole woman a whole man dreams of. It's (y)our time. Flirt in your own style.


"If you're looking to the other person for validation and acceptance, you're setting yourself up to be hurt." Good point, Susan. I think it's excellent advice in or out of the bedroom!
—From the ‘Single File’ Blog


The truth is, you've got to be your own best friend. Advocate, yes, buddy, yes, and in the final analysis (the one that matters most), your best support. Booster, fan, choose your word for it. But the point of all the verbiage is that you must be your own support wherever you are. Because if you're not, if you present yourself to the world as unsure and self-doubting, deficient in confidence, the odds of being diminished significantly soar. In and out of the bedroom—in super-sensitive places where vulnerability is the name of the game, you must be sure of your own worth. Make those words part of your DNA.

Have a question for Susan?
You can reach her directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Catapulted into single life as a young widow and single parent, Susan Deitz’s unusually deep understanding of her new world was about to be born, a course in undependence (her term for the wholeness needed for a full life) unlike any she had known at Smith College. Totally unprepared for life without a mate, her nights were battles with fear and the dreaded what-ifs. But when those tigers retreated, each new dawn found a more confident woman. On her own, living out her singleness, she was using her own judgment to make decisions for her little family—minor perhaps in the wider world but crucial for her small family. And they proved to be good ones. From those years of life lessons learned the hard way came a lifework and the world of Single File. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. © 2023 CREATORS

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