From the Publisher - March 2016
“I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back!”
—Arthur Rubinstein
By the time every little girl turns 10, she has been asked, “Just who do you think you are?” It’s a rhetorical question—a very negative rhetorical question. It is a question designed to put someone in her place. This question doesn’t fade with childhood. It lodges in the brain and reappears often, especially when we are trying to step into our power, live in the flow and truly honor who we are. To be sure, it is a question that holds us back, and if we’re not careful, this very question can place a drop ceiling on our hopes and dreams.
In pondering this question, which actually doesn’t deserve an answer, I started thinking about “just who I think I am” and I figured I’d give answering it a shot because there are a few who are still asking. This is who I think I am today, and I promise you, it is subject to change daily:
I am a kind, generous and caring person. I don’t try to be these things. They come natural to me. It’s how I was raised. I have a work ethic that is off the charts. My mother instilled in me to do things right and to not stop until they’re done. This has its pros and cons. I am a mom. I love my kids. I joke around with them. I compliment them. I am hard on them. I am a mother who tells them when I don’t like something or if they didn’t do a good job. I know that’s not today’s trend, but I don’t want inflated kids. I love them, though, with all my heart. We have a lot of fun. I’m probably too hard. My mother was. Why wouldn’t I be? That chain is not broken.
I make sure our house is a mostly a peaceful place, where they can feel safe and secure. I build them up as much as I tear them down. That is how you build muscle, you know. You have to work it hard and tear it down to make it stronger.
I myself am someone who has been broken—broken by childhood, broken by heartache, broken by being called fat over and over again, broken by not being the chosen one and broken by never understanding why people never thought I was enough.
I am also no longer broken because I chose to heal, I chose to get real with myself, I chose to find my voice and let it be heard, I chose to let go of anger, jealousy, self-contempt and I worked hard doing so. I am someone who has been torn down for making myself better but will never let that stop me from being better every single day, as long as I am above ground. I am someone who believes it’s never too late for anything. The only time I will give up is when I am placed in a box and buried in the ground, but I better be dead or otherwise I will find a way out!
I am graceful and I am scrappy. I am elegant but don’t mind getting dirty. I am a writer from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul. I am someone who has ideals and standards, but also someone who can’t live up to those ideals and standards all the time. I am someone who falls short and makes mistakes and who hates to make mistakes, but I let them go and I try to learn.
I am someone who has no desire to hurt people. I feel bad talking about people. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, I am someone who believes people when they show me who they are. I am someone who is nice. I get taken advantage of, I get run over; sometimes, I allow it to happen more than once. I am also someone who eventually has enough and when I’m done, I AM done. But I don’t allow the disdain to fester inside of me. I let my doneness go—I don’t lose sleep, I rebound. While I find it hard to forgive, I am someone who learned that forgiveness is much more therapeutic to the forgiver than the forgivee.
I am someone who craves peace and happiness. I have lived through turbulence and I don’t prefer it. Conflict denigrates me, although I am someone who will speak my mind, tell you how you made me feel and set boundaries, no matter how bad my hands or voice are shaking. I am an animal lover. I am a people lover. I am a life lover. I am a beach lover. I am a God lover. I know what I want and I’m not willing to settle for less. Not anymore.
I am someone who is funny. I laugh at myself. I find humor in almost everything. I like to banter and cut with sarcasm all for the sake of a good laugh. I am someone with a comedienne locked inside who really wants to come out and perform. I am someone who is able to hold her tongue…now.
I am someone who cares about the world. I care about women—even women I don’t know or don’t like. I want everyone to find peace within themselves and really know who they are and what they want and how much they are willing to take and where their boundaries are and honor the little girl inside of them, who was once filled with spit and vinegar and fairy tales and dreams.
The gist of all of this is I am a lot of things. We all are. Many are contradictory. That’s OK. I learned from a wise woman to say these words: I am this AND I am that…and that’s OK. We ARE OK! There are no absolutes in life, so why do we feel the need to be so absolute? Why do we feel we must judge if she is different from me or we?
Finally, to the person who actually asked me this question: I am someone, who if you knew me at all, you would have never asked me this question. However, I’m glad you did. Perhaps you may want to ask yourself the same.
Don’t miss it.