Hissy Fit - November 2025 - Happy Turkey Day: Are You Ready?

November 2025 Issue
by Elizabeth Skenes Millen

Here comes the holidays and with it comes
that tired, old holiday speak:

“Happy Turkey Day!”
“Are you ready for the holidays?”
“Have you finished your shopping?”
“It’s a madhouse out there!”

And these are just a few, but let’s at least talk about them:

Happy Turkey Day! If anyone is thrilled that people are OK with minimizing Thanksgiving to simply turkey day, it’s Butterball™. (Of course, being a business owner, I understand.) I don’t know about you, but Thanksgiving is probably the only day of the year I eat turkey, and it’s definitely the only day of the year I cook turkey. Nonetheless, I love the cozy, family-esque feeling that comes with cooking a big ol’ bird. It makes me feel grown up, even though I’ve been grown for years. Don’t you feel the same way? Just so grown when you take that perfect oven-roasted bird out of the oven and realize it’s still raw. If that doesn't ruin the mood...which is why even though eggnog leans more towards Christmas, it’s perfectly acceptable to have a punch bowl full on Thanksgiving Day as long as you are generous with the bourbon. (Brown is one of the favorite colors of Thanksgiving; it’s definitely not a vodka day.)

I love Thanksgiving and all the warm and nostalgic feelings it evokes. It’s not a letdown like Christmas because it’s the official kickoff of the holidays. There’s four weeks of fun and gluttony ahead! Plus, it’s not as hectic as Christmas, unless of course, you have that one sibling who insists on getting Mom and Dad’s Christmas tree up on Thanksgiving night. Nothing ruins a holiday quicker than dragging 27 dusty boxes out of the attic after you’ve stuffed yourself more than Stove-Top™, (Which, by the way is a sin in the South. We make homemade dressing, not stuffing). Right when that tryptophan is drawing you toward the comfy couch for a bit of football and shut-eye, a damn box of decorations hits the hall floor, and garland is thrown in your lap to do something with. I mean, I like a good garland and all, but not on Thanksgiving night. Am I wrong?

So, you can see how this next thought came into my head: What if when people wish you happy turkey day, they might be referring to who’s sitting around your table, not what’s being served on your table. Have you ever thought of that? No? Well then, you must not have that overzealous sibling who’s making her husband miss the football game and throw boxes from the top of the hidden attic stair with them landing right in your face. (Even Claritin™ can’t combat this level of dust.) With that in mind, I’m declaring it perfectly fine to wish someone happy turkey day, in honor of my family.

Are You Ready For the Holidays? What kind of question is this? What exactly do people mean by “ready”? Is it even possible to be ready? If they mean, are you so ready no-one will have to run to Walmart on Christmas Eve for Cool-Whip™, my answer is probably not. If they mean, I’m so ready I bought the 4-pound package of butter—that’s 16 sticks—at Sam’s Club™, you better believe it, I was born ready. However, as a general rule, I’m never ready for Christmas, and I don’t think Christmas makes it fair for us to be ready. It’s a juggling act that requires superpowers and no job to be “ready”, and if you have small children, forget it. No one ever warned me I’d be putting together dollhouses and bicycles at 3:00 in the morning without making a peep after drinking more wine than is appropriate for toy construction. So again, I don’t think I’m ready? Are you?

Have you finished your shopping? No. I don’t ever finish shopping; I simply quit because there's a deadline. Here’s my problem, if I start early, I buy more. You see, I am one of the crazy ones who like the hustle and bustle of the malls, the delightful sights and smells of cozy boutiques, the essence of brewing coffees and Cinnabons™ and all the lights, holiday decor, and Christmas Music (after Thanksgiving, please). But I have problems. I wrap gifts, tag them properly, and totally forget what’s in the box. (No, I don’t have memory issues, I have organizational issues. There’s a difference.) So, I just keep buying, within reason, of course. It’s just awful when Christmas morning comes and the gifts are distributed, and one child has five presents and the other has 25—oops! My standard answer: “The value equals out! I promise! Jacie, let your brother open a few of your gifts.” Just one more reason, one can never be ready.

So, yes, it's a madhouse out there, but it can also be a madhouse right inside your own home, especially if you just realized that Happy Turkey Day refers to your freakin’ relatives. You know what they say, “Birds of a feather flock together.” Good luck on being ready this holiday season, and don’t let the turkeys get you down.