“Nature’s Calling
(and I’m not talking about the bathroom)!”
– The Uphill Skater –

 
We refer to nature as “Mother Nature” because we believe nature also has the power to nurture. Of course, with storms (hurricanes, tornados, snow) all over the country this year, this concept may be hard to believe, but if one looks at the totality, it becomes obvious. Our surroundings bring us not only beauty, but also pleasure. Living in and with nature as we do in the Lowcountry is a great example. What an absolute joy it is to live in such a beautiful place, surrounded by some of nature’s most treasured and pristine waters. This is all ours to enjoy, but also to care for, and yes, to nurture; it goes both ways.

Walking away with seven Academy Awards, Everything Everywhere All At Once surprised the crowd by winning Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Original Screenplay, and Best Film Editing.

If you are not familiar with the film, it is loosely described as when an interdimensional rupture unravels reality, and an unlikely hero must channel her newfound powers to fight bizarre and bewildering dangers from the multiverse as the fate of the world hangs in the balance.

Directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, collectively known as the Daniels, Everything Everywhere All at Once is a sci-fi action adventure about an exhausted Chinese American woman who can’t seem to finish her taxes.

I used to love sex, but now it’s painful. What can I do to revive my sex life?

If your sex life went from “Oh my!” to “Oh no!” there are a few common reasons and ways to try to revive the connection. Childbirth and pregnancy change the vagina and can result in painful sex for at least the first year after delivery. The weight of the uterus during pregnancy stresses the pelvic floor and can cause weakness and lack of support. This can change the angle of the vaginal canal and clitoris, which then changes sensation for both partners. If the beautiful new baby came through the vaginal route, there can be resulting tears or episiotomies which can cause long term scar tissue and pain during sex. Even C-section moms have changes in the pelvic floor due to the pressure of the baby’s weight during pregnancy. Imagine this change happening to the pelvic floor with multiple pregnancies over the years, the results are compounding and can create lack of sensation, pain with penetration and urinary incontinence.

Q: I have two boys, 18 and 33 months. How much time each day should I spend involved in activities with them? Also, they chase one another around the house and other sorts of roughhousing, but they hardly ever play with their educational toys. Is there some way I can get them interested in these things?

A: The notion that parents need to get down on the floor and play with toddlers a certain amount of time each day is very post-1960s (i.e., without substance). If you feel like getting down on the floor and making a block castle with one of your children, do so. On the other hand, if you don’t feel like it, then don’t. Your children should not learn that you are an on-call playmate.

Dear Susan:
Hello! I've read "Single File" for a long time, and it seems you put a great deal of thought into your responses. You seem to know much about people and relationships. Something has bothered me for a long time, and I sincerely need closure on it but am having a really hard time doing it. About six months ago, I met a guy, "Jay," through a mutual friend. We had an instantaneous connection. It was nothing I had ever felt, and his eyes told me he felt the same. But here's the kicker: He was engaged to another woman. We started talking a couple of days later online and just clicked and clicked and clicked. One night, we decided to meet for a harmless drink after work—foolish to think that's all it would be—but we were weak and intrigued by each other. We never slept together, but we did things we shouldn't have. I fell for this guy so hard. I didn't know what to do. I got scared and insecure and didn't want to feel second best.

“‘Reorganize Your Pantry!’
said every women’s magazine in the world.”
– The Uphill Skater –

 
I subscribe to at least four women’s monthly magazines and read them cover to cover. I am always looking for new stuff, and my magazines are fabulous resources. My husband is not on the same page, but he knows to expect the unexpected when it comes to what’s in the fridge on grocery shopping day, and he has come to expect dinner may or may not be something familiar to him. Another thing he is no longer surprised by: New decorative pillows as a regular occurrence, all thanks to the suggestions of my favorite magazines!

80 for Brady follows 80-year-old Lou (Tomlin) and her three close friends—Trish (Fonda), Maura (Moreno), and Betty (Field)—all of whom happen to be die-hard fans of the New England Patriots and its longtime quarterback, Tom Brady. The film’s opening scene catches up with Lou as she forces her friends to conform to her Sunday Night Football superstitions. That night’s game ends with a win for yet another Super Bowl match.

Rather than remaining content watching the Super Bowl from the comforts of home, Lou decides she and her friends have to be there in person for once. Of course Lou has an ulterior motive for wanting to desperately see the game with her friends, but 80 for Brady, thankfully, doesn’t go too far out of its way to hide her motivation.

Increased work hours and waistlines, less home cooked meals and even less sleep, all result in an increased intake of caffeine and sugar. It’s a vicious cycle. The average American consumes 17 teaspoons of sugar and about 135 mg of caffeine every day. While most are doing pretty good staying under the daily maximum limit for caffeine (read below for details), we are killing ourselves with sugar. However, if you’ve developed a daily habit of energy drinks, you’re not doing yourself any favors with caffeine, either. We wanted to find out the toll caffeine and sugar are taking on our health, so we went to the experts, and here’s what they had to say:

Q: I’m a single mom who works from home. At noon, I pick up my 5-year-old from half-day kindergarten. Because I’m unable to pay attention to her while I’m working, she wants to watch television for the rest of the afternoon. We have a no-TV rule on school days, but I find myself unable to enforce it. If she isn’t watching TV, she’s at my door, complaining of boredom. Help!

A: My mother was single for most of the first seven years of my life, during which she worked and attended college. When she was home, studying or writing, she made it clear that her work was more important than my whims. Did I want more of her attention? Absolutely! Did I suffer because she created and enforced a boundary between us? Absolutely not!

Dear Susan:
I met a wonderful woman a few months ago. She is genuine, warm and honest. She recently announced she had to stop seeing me because if she let herself go, she would fall in love with me; at this time (three years divorced), she wants only a casual relationship. We’ve talked about this before, and I’ve been patient but persistent. We agreed to see each other exclusively. I think most of her problem is fear of being hurt. She says she doesn’t want to hurt me if she never decides to make it permanent, but I think it’s my responsibility, not hers. How do I handle her fears?    —From the "Single File" blog

“There is so much beauty surrounding us,
I hardly know where to begin.”
– The Uphill Skater –

 
Sometimes I gush a little bit. But I have been known to gush a lot if it is about the right thing. Love of our beautiful Lowcountry is, as it happens, just exactly the right thing to gush about. Having lived on Hilton Head Island for 14 years, let me tell you it is, along with the whole area we call Lowcountry, the perfect trifecta of people, scenery and food. 

Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus
A NYT Bestselling novel and soon to be Apple TV Series

Starring: Brie Larson, Lewis Pullman, Aja Naomi King,
Stephanie Koenig, Kevin Sussman

Set in the early 1960s, Lessons in Chemistry follows Elizabeth Zott, whose dream of being a scientist is put on hold in a society deeming women belong in the domestic sphere, not the professional one. When Elizabeth finds herself pregnant, alone and fired from her lab, she musters the ingenuity only a single mother has. She accepts a job as a host on a TV cooking show, and sets out to teach a nation of overlooked housewives—and the men who are suddenly listening—a lot more than recipes, while craving a return to her true love: Science.

Matters of the heart are serious, especially when it comes to heart disease—the most serious disease today for women of all ages to pay close attention. In all its elements, more than any other female medical condition, heart disease is No. 1, and in this case, that’s not a good thing. It’s the No. 1 cause of stroke, disability and death in both men and women. Once thought to be only a concern for men, women need to take heart when it comes to their heart health.

Is your waist size creeping up? Are you eating more healthy foods than processed foods on a daily basis? Is your sweet tooth out of control? Is your body communicating any signs or symptoms? Are you paying attention? These Pink Prescriptions’ heart healthy answers to our questions, provided by our local panel of neuro and cardiology experts, are the facts. Please read on, and then, tear these two pages out to post to your corkboards and refrigerators as life-saving, heart reminders.

Q: Several months ago, my husband and I allowed our five-year-old daughter to sleep with us for a couple of nights. We thought this was innocent, but she began crying hysterically when we tried to move her back to her own bed. We compromised by letting her keep her iPad with her until she fell asleep but quickly realized that her device keeps her awake well past OUR bedtime. If we try to make her turn it off, she becomes highly agitated and it’s just not worth it. How can we get her back in her own bed without dramatics?

A: I can help you get your daughter back in her own bed, without a device, but “without dramatics” is a non-starter at this point.

The pertinent question: Why do you and your husband have difficulty making decisions that upset your daughter, especially given that the decisions in question—she sleeps in her own bed through the night and without an electronic insomnia machine—are good ones?

Good & Bad Reasons to Have Sex

DEAR SUSAN:
I read your book "Single File" a while back and now want to reread your list of good and bad reasons for having sex. Knowing more than I did then, I'm sure I will make some changes —From the ‘Single File’ Blog

DEAR BLOGGER:
Before we start, a broad smile of gratitude from this columnist for your willingness to take another look at your reasons for having sex; the willingness to rethink choices in such an important part of life shows growth and flexibility. Bravo!

After reading each reason, write "yes" or "no" next to it. Undecided takes extra time. You decide whether each is good or bad for you.

“They say the best teachers are good learners,
and you should learn something new
every day.”
– The Uphill Skater –

 
Being schooled, getting trained, taking lessons—these scenarios conjure up some old corny cliches for me. They say the best teachers are good learners, and you should learn something new every day. They also say you are never too old to learn, and we go to school every day of our lives. I happen to be a big fan of corny old sayings, and especially some of these, because they are all, to my mind, somewhat true. 

Back in the day, I was a teacher, and I loved it! Even though I no longer work, I am still teaching. I taught my grandson how to read; I taught my dog how to fetch; and I taught my neighbor how to crochet. That may not sound like much, but as a benefit of all of this, I learned a great deal.

Ahh January! To most of us January is all about renewal, resolutions and packing up those holiday memories. For those in the film industry with award season right around the corner, January takes on its own meaning. It’s all about the buzz. Here are a few films people are Buzzing about.

The Fabelmans
Director: Steven Spielberg
Michelle Williams, Gabriel LaBelle, Paul Dano
Growing up in post WWII era Arizona, young Sammy Fabelman aspires to be a filmmaker as he reaches adolescence, but he soon discovers a shattering family secret and explores how the power of films can help see him see the truth.

There is one thing for sure when it comes to obesity: It is not good for you! While the fashion industry and pop-culture are starting to veer away from stick-thin models, the “big” trend is swaying to meet its over-sized consumers, but that doesn’t mean being over-sized is healthy. Fact is, obesity is a leading contributor of almost every disease, from diabetes to heart disease, to high blood pressure to joint pain. The great news is any amount of weight loss—even 5-percent of your body weight—may help the possible invasion of disease recede!

Make 2023 your 5-percent year! Even if you weigh 200, all you have to lose is 10 pounds to help your body get a little healthier—literally less than a quarter pound per week. Find a program that fits you, one you will enjoy, and most importantly, that you can sustain. Don’t make this year about losing weight and then gain it back. It’s time to just lose it…because your health has so incredibly much to gain if you do!

Q: My husband and I recently visited our son’s family. We live two thousand miles apart, and with the pandemic and all, hadn’t seen one another in several years. We were appalled to discover that they—our daughter-in-law in particular—practice “gentle parenting,” which seemed to explain our two grands’ generally disrespectful and disobedient behavior. When we confronted our son about the craziness in his household, he told us it was his wife’s “thing” and he was going along with it to keep peace. Is it us, or is it “gentle parenting”?

A: “Gentle parenting,” boils down to treating children as if they are rational, reasonable equals. That significant numbers of adults actually think a constant downpour of love will magically transform a child into a person of that description would be mind-boggling if it wasn’t just one more symptom of these anti-intellectual times. Furthermore, your son’s admission that he is only going along with his wife to keep peace is telling of the fact that in too many an American household, the father has zero say in how the children are being raised. The woman he refers to as “my wife” has all but completely abdicated her proper role. She’s a full-time mommy. He would be more accurate in calling her “my children’s mother,” albeit even “my” is questionable from a strictly philosophical perspective.

DEAR SUSAN:
What can I do to make life entail more than dating and work? Is there an actual plan? There must be more than this to single life. —From the "Single File" blog

DEAR SINGLE FRIEND:
There is, indeed, much more to being single—when you take time to make a plan. Nothing too complicated, for sure, but it does take some thinking. If you're up for it, start by answering these questions: What are your favorite sports? What do you do on weekends? How do you express your creativity? Consider this List 1.

For List 2, imagine all the things you would like to do. This may take some time, so feel free to dream a little—here and now. And remember this is a wish list only, not necessarily realistic. You may not have a month to lavish In your favorite activity, but it just might make you realize how hungry you are to get back to it.

“I have made a difference in at least two lives
in my own small way, and I am proud of it.
You can do it too.”
– The Uphill Skater –

#BeTheDifference is a tall order in a world full of different people, different lifestyles, different belief systems and a huge variety of simply too much stuff. How in the world can one person be any kind of force for change, or make an actual difference. I mean really, I am not Meghan Markle, or Dolly Parton, or even Elizabeth Millen. So, what can just one little person honestly do? Not much, right?

Wrong! I have made a difference in at least two lives in my own small way, and I am proud of it. You can do it too, if you haven’t already. It is easy; adopt a child. I do not mean take a child into your home, unless you feel called to do so, but what I have done is adopted a child overseas. As a teacher, resource specialist and private tutor, I have helped many young people, but the adoption process is different. I believe with all my heart I have changed lives and made a difference.

Office parties, family visits, ugly Christmas sweaters, red and green decorations, baking, shopping, holiday cards, traditions, popcorn strung with cranberry ribbons, candles, twinkly lights…and holiday movies galore! Pick your favorites and don’t miss out. Holiday movies add tradition, fun and family time to help make the season extra special. What are your favorites?

The Reel Corner recommends as you gather for movie time, make some popcorn or hot chocolate and stream the following:
> It’s a Wonderful Life
> Elf
> Home Alone
> A Christmas Story
> Scrooged
> Jingle All The Way
> The Grinch Who Stole Christmas—both versions
> A Charlie Brown Christmas

Hearing is one of those things most of us take for granted. Unfortunately, most of us will eventually experience impaired, or at least dulled, hearing as we age. However, there are experts out there who can help us maintain our hearing for as long as possible. There is also good news in that hearing enhancements are getting better and more technologically advanced all the time. That’s not to say crank up the leaf blower and put your earbuds in, but keep reading, and you will find intriguing information about how to protect your hearing and what to do when people start asking, “Can you hear me now?”

One of the characteristics of a truly civilized society is the ubiquitous use of proper social courtesies. Raising a child is all about civilizing the savage within; therefore, “manners,” as they are known, should be taught to a child early and diligently.

A parent recently wrote me, asking, “What’s the most important social courtesy to teach a child?”

My answer to that great question: To not interrupt adult conversations.

In learning not to interrupt,
a child learns patience, which is to say, impulse control.

It also strengthens the social boundary that should exist between the child and adults; hence, the child’s respect for adults. In other words, being taught not to interrupt adult conversations, including phone conversations, benefits the child as much or more than it benefits adults.

DEAR SUSAN: I had plans to go to a movie with my BFF and was really looking forward to dishing with her over a meal afterward. But this afternoon, she phoned and canceled. Why? Because some new man in her life wants to see her tonight. What am I, chopped liver? ­—From the "Single File" blog

DEAR READER: Ouch. It hurts to be told your company is considered second-rate, (distant) runner-up to the male. Even an unknown commodity—which this new man certainly is—gets preferential treatment when it comes to scheduling time. Not only are you, her best friend, given basement status, but also the substitution came at the last minute, with little or no explanation or regrets. You certainly have a right to feel devalued as a person and as a same-sex buddy. Your BFF just announced that time with a same-sex friend is cheap, simply a filler until a man enters the picture. Like your best friend, many women devalue every form of companionship while waiting for The Man Who Isn't There. Because they consider themselves alone if they share time with someone other than a "live one," they almost turn cartwheels to share their time with a man. You are correct in feeling like an also-ran, because that's how you rank in your BFF's mind. (Incidentally, you might consider changing her title to BFUUM, best friend until and unless a man comes along.) By the way, chopped liver is considered by some to be a gourmet delicacy.